Beating. Head. Against. Wall.

I may have reached my limit. Let's just vote already.

I am so sick of John McCain and his steaming, runny globs of turd that he keeps throwing around and saying it's free chocolate. Now "Joe the Plumber" is campaigning for them - yes, standing at the podium talking about how he will be better off with John McCain and Sarah Palin in the White House. He is allowed his opinion. He is allowed to share it. Now I will share mine:

Joe the Plumber is not a licensed plumber! Who doesn't pay taxes! And will be better off under Obama's tax plan! (And he knows this!) I cannot believe that the McCain campaign is not only NOT hiding him, they are putting him in the spotlight!

"Joe" the proclaimed independent is really Samuel the Republican. But, actually, I don't really care about his name or party; I'm just really annoyed that he's pretending to be someone he's not. I'm really annoyed that the McCain campaign has naught but myths and fear to hawk now. But what annoys me the most are the people who choose to believe it all. This goes for both sides, of course, but c'mon people do you really believe Obama is going to take all of your money and give it to poor people? Do you really believe McCain's trigger-happy temper-fueled war mongering will keep us safer? Do you really believe giving rich people more money will help the poor?

I heard on NPR yesterday a McCain campaign spokesperson use the following metaphor to explain Obama's tax plan: It's like going to a restaurant, and instead of tipping your waitress you give that tip money to the homeless guy outside.

A point my husband immediately made: gratuity is GRATUITY, meaning a tip is not owed to anyone. Webster's defines gratuity as "something given voluntarily or beyond obligation usually for some service." You do have a right to give your money to the homeless guy. That said, Obama will never tell you not to tip your server, metaphorically or literally. I'll admit that the metaphor isn't too far off, but I would instead say that Obama would rather have you skip dessert and give the dessert money to the homeless guy while still tipping the server for what you bought. He is not arguing that you take money away from anyone; he is arguing that you reconsider to what you give your money.

A more realistic metaphor for what the McCain campaign is arguing is: Obama orders a piece of pie, gives it to the homeless guy, and asks the waitress to pay for it. This scenario is of course silly and untrue.

Using this metaphor for the McCain economic policy: order as much food as you possibly can and tip excessively, then the waitress will share her money with the homeless guy. This would work in theory, but, as the past eight years (and all trickle-down schemes before) have shown, the waitress usually keeps the money.

What makes me sad is that I never really disliked John McCain until the Republican primaries of this election. When it was rumored that Kerry was going to pick McCain as his running mate, I thought, Hmm, maybe it could work. My staunch Democrat grandfather in the early 2000s considered voting for McCain if he became nominee. I used to like John McCain. I could even agree to disagree (a little) with him on some issues. No longer. Not after he changed his tune - changed the whole instrument he was playing - to gain the nomination. He pandered to the socially conservative base, turning 180 degrees in his long-held opinions to get the base to choose him and then get them to support him. Now he's trying to be the old John McCain again to get the independents. Sigh. I understand why he had and has to do it, but the doing of it is not admirable. And he completely lost me when he sang "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran" and then angrily lashed out at journalists who questioned him on the irresponsibility and inhumanity it implied.

I'm okay with someone changing his or her mind on a position after they've soul searched and researched, but I'm not okay with claiming your opinion has changed just to manipulate people so you can gain power. Playing different characters was the only way John McCain was going to get the Republican nomination. What this tells me is that McCain doesn't really believe in straight talk or making America better, he believes in power. No method, as long as it gets him the presidency, is off limits. And if this is the case, why does he really want to be president? I used to like you, John McCain. Now I'd rather go get a beer with George Bush.

I know Obama isn't completely selfless in his quest for the presidency. I know that the black-and-white world will not magically turn into technicolor the day Barack is inaugurated, if he is elected. I know his plans must go through Congress and that they may not all work. But I believe his policies will be better for the country, and I believe he will fight for them. The fact that he chose to be a community organizer instead of a high-paid lawyer at a successful law firm (which a law degree from Harvard can often get you) makes me believe he actually does want to make the country better. I choose to believe based on the facts.

Back to Joe. He has every right to practice as a plumber without a license, just like I can practice psychology without a license. You can practice medicine without a license. Your mom can practice law without a license. While the latter three will usually result in harsher consequences for both the practicer and the client, with an unlicensed plumber you can end up with steaming, runny globs of turd all over. Which would be crappy (har har).

I initially intended this entry to be short. Oh well. I guess I'm not as sick of analyzing the situation as I thought.

To Republicans (especially my Republican friends reading this): I get why you are Republican. I really do. Small government, state rights, free markets, fiscal conservativeness are issues I get. I even respect your right to feel the way you do about abortion, the death penalty, military force, gay marriage, gun rights. I respect the Constitution and its diverse interpretation, and, like Obama, believe it allows for no absolutes on any issue. I get why you are voting for a Republican.

The Republicans I don't get right now are those who are not just voting against a Democrat but are voting FOR McCain. In 2004, I voted against Bush, not really for John Kerry (sorry, John). Maybe they are voting AGAINST Barack, likely because they choose to believe the insane claims that he's a terrorist and socialist, which has nothing to do with his party or his policies. For some maybe it's the old John McCain they are hoping for. For some the new John McCain is preferable because he is more conservative. In fact, he's now more Bush than Bush, so if you like George Bush you like New John.

And, for the love of God, I hope those of you reading this already know who you are voting for. This diatribe is not to try to pursuade "undecided voters." If you still don't know who you are voting for (and actually care), I suggest some soul searching regarding your life philosophy, your [your name here] Doctrine, which is a good thing for people to do anytime, but especially during an election year. There is so much information available. Decide how you feel about the issues (or just one issue at this point), and vote. You have two very different options. Choose one.