Friday, October 31, 2008

Beating. Head. Against. Wall.

I may have reached my limit. Let's just vote already.

I am so sick of John McCain and his steaming, runny globs of turd that he keeps throwing around and saying it's free chocolate. Now "Joe the Plumber" is campaigning for them - yes, standing at the podium talking about how he will be better off with John McCain and Sarah Palin in the White House. He is allowed his opinion. He is allowed to share it. Now I will share mine:

Joe the Plumber is not a licensed plumber! Who doesn't pay taxes! And will be better off under Obama's tax plan! (And he knows this!) I cannot believe that the McCain campaign is not only NOT hiding him, they are putting him in the spotlight!

"Joe" the proclaimed independent is really Samuel the Republican. But, actually, I don't really care about his name or party; I'm just really annoyed that he's pretending to be someone he's not. I'm really annoyed that the McCain campaign has naught but myths and fear to hawk now. But what annoys me the most are the people who choose to believe it all. This goes for both sides, of course, but c'mon people do you really believe Obama is going to take all of your money and give it to poor people? Do you really believe McCain's trigger-happy temper-fueled war mongering will keep us safer? Do you really believe giving rich people more money will help the poor?

I heard on NPR yesterday a McCain campaign spokesperson use the following metaphor to explain Obama's tax plan: It's like going to a restaurant, and instead of tipping your waitress you give that tip money to the homeless guy outside.

A point my husband immediately made: gratuity is GRATUITY, meaning a tip is not owed to anyone. Webster's defines gratuity as "something given voluntarily or beyond obligation usually for some service." You do have a right to give your money to the homeless guy. That said, Obama will never tell you not to tip your server, metaphorically or literally. I'll admit that the metaphor isn't too far off, but I would instead say that Obama would rather have you skip dessert and give the dessert money to the homeless guy while still tipping the server for what you bought. He is not arguing that you take money away from anyone; he is arguing that you reconsider to what you give your money.

A more realistic metaphor for what the McCain campaign is arguing is: Obama orders a piece of pie, gives it to the homeless guy, and asks the waitress to pay for it. This scenario is of course silly and untrue.

Using this metaphor for the McCain economic policy: order as much food as you possibly can and tip excessively, then the waitress will share her money with the homeless guy. This would work in theory, but, as the past eight years (and all trickle-down schemes before) have shown, the waitress usually keeps the money.

What makes me sad is that I never really disliked John McCain until the Republican primaries of this election. When it was rumored that Kerry was going to pick McCain as his running mate, I thought, Hmm, maybe it could work. My staunch Democrat grandfather in the early 2000s considered voting for McCain if he became nominee. I used to like John McCain. I could even agree to disagree (a little) with him on some issues. No longer. Not after he changed his tune - changed the whole instrument he was playing - to gain the nomination. He pandered to the socially conservative base, turning 180 degrees in his long-held opinions to get the base to choose him and then get them to support him. Now he's trying to be the old John McCain again to get the independents. Sigh. I understand why he had and has to do it, but the doing of it is not admirable. And he completely lost me when he sang "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran" and then angrily lashed out at journalists who questioned him on the irresponsibility and inhumanity it implied.

I'm okay with someone changing his or her mind on a position after they've soul searched and researched, but I'm not okay with claiming your opinion has changed just to manipulate people so you can gain power. Playing different characters was the only way John McCain was going to get the Republican nomination. What this tells me is that McCain doesn't really believe in straight talk or making America better, he believes in power. No method, as long as it gets him the presidency, is off limits. And if this is the case, why does he really want to be president? I used to like you, John McCain. Now I'd rather go get a beer with George Bush.

I know Obama isn't completely selfless in his quest for the presidency. I know that the black-and-white world will not magically turn into technicolor the day Barack is inaugurated, if he is elected. I know his plans must go through Congress and that they may not all work. But I believe his policies will be better for the country, and I believe he will fight for them. The fact that he chose to be a community organizer instead of a high-paid lawyer at a successful law firm (which a law degree from Harvard can often get you) makes me believe he actually does want to make the country better. I choose to believe based on the facts.

Back to Joe. He has every right to practice as a plumber without a license, just like I can practice psychology without a license. You can practice medicine without a license. Your mom can practice law without a license. While the latter three will usually result in harsher consequences for both the practicer and the client, with an unlicensed plumber you can end up with steaming, runny globs of turd all over. Which would be crappy (har har).

I initially intended this entry to be short. Oh well. I guess I'm not as sick of analyzing the situation as I thought.

To Republicans (especially my Republican friends reading this): I get why you are Republican. I really do. Small government, state rights, free markets, fiscal conservativeness are issues I get. I even respect your right to feel the way you do about abortion, the death penalty, military force, gay marriage, gun rights. I respect the Constitution and its diverse interpretation, and, like Obama, believe it allows for no absolutes on any issue. I get why you are voting for a Republican.

The Republicans I don't get right now are those who are not just voting against a Democrat but are voting FOR McCain. In 2004, I voted against Bush, not really for John Kerry (sorry, John). Maybe they are voting AGAINST Barack, likely because they choose to believe the insane claims that he's a terrorist and socialist, which has nothing to do with his party or his policies. For some maybe it's the old John McCain they are hoping for. For some the new John McCain is preferable because he is more conservative. In fact, he's now more Bush than Bush, so if you like George Bush you like New John.

And, for the love of God, I hope those of you reading this already know who you are voting for. This diatribe is not to try to pursuade "undecided voters." If you still don't know who you are voting for (and actually care), I suggest some soul searching regarding your life philosophy, your [your name here] Doctrine, which is a good thing for people to do anytime, but especially during an election year. There is so much information available. Decide how you feel about the issues (or just one issue at this point), and vote. You have two very different options. Choose one.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The sky is falling! The sky is falling!


"How do you know that the sky is falling, Chicken Little?" asked Henny Penny.
"I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and a bit of it fell on my head," said Chicken Little.


John McCain wants you to know that a socialist revolution is coming. No, he's not talking about a South American country; he's talking about the United States. If you don't vote for John McCain, Che Guevara will become the Secretary of State. (It doesn't really matter that Che is dead - the ghost of Che is just as real as Joe the Plumber).

Saying Barack Obama is a socialist is like saying John McCain is a goodwill ambassador. (Sing it with me: Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran. I know John, I should get a life.) John McCain is now trying to make you believe that the choice is between capitalism and socialism. The economy doesn't matter when the sky the falling.

What caused Chicken Little to assess that the sky was falling and the world was ending? An ACORN. Somebody get the king.

P.S. Barack Obama has not "preempted" the World Series. Talk about grasping at bendy straws. . . Fox, yes Fox, has said McCain's claim that Barack Obama is interfering with America's pastime is false. I mean, I know a presidential election is far less important than a baseball game, so if you're upset about losing a little bit of pregame coverage than you should vote for McCain. It's not like it's the Super Bowl.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

It was almost like a party

Fifth grader Damon Weaver from Palm Beach County, Florida, offers the best election coverage I've seen yet.



Awesome job, Damon.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Let's Go Buffalo!

It's football season. Now the heart of football season. I am a Buffalo Bills fan. I was raised on football, so all other sports are relegated to second fiddle. If the Bills played the Mets, I would expose my inner frat boy and cheer my heart out for the Bills against the Betsy Wetsy baseball players. I will not apologize for this. Nor will I apologize for caring so much about something that world peace depends nothing on. (But the NFL does do a lot for the United Way. Beeyotches.)

In order to be a Bills fan you must possess an inborn optimism that defies all logic, even if you spend most of the game yelling at the television and your beloved team. For example, I'm still super pissed off that we - yes we - lost to Miami on Sunday. I wrote my team off early in the third quarter and could not be swayed. Bills fans learn to expect the worse, because sometimes expecting the worst helps the worst hurt less. But we still hope for the best, because on those occasions the Bills do well we yell twice as loud for them as we did AT them. Word of warning: under no circumstances agree with me when I say the Bills suck, unless you are a member of my family or a card-carrying Bills fan. (You earn the card by opening beer cans with your teeth and knowing how you should feel about Rob Johnson.)

So, for myself and for all you Bills fans out there who are disheartened after Sunday, here are some videos to help remind you why we, insanely and/or inexplicibly, love the Bills.










Locks of Love

My hair has grown past my shoulders. In a few more months it should be long enough to donate to Locks of Love. However, I'm going to need your help.

I have fine hair. I think fate gave me fine hair to balance out my big head; I would look like a bobblehead if I had thick hair. This still doesn't mean I like having fine hair, especially when it reaches a certain length. I'm appealing to you to help me not cut my hair. I already know how I want it cut, so all it would take is a sneaky trip to the salon. If I show any warning signs, please intervene. Thanks.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Some humor (not mine)

Here's a quote from Binghamton-born author David Sedaris, from his recent article in the New Yorker, regarding undecided voters.

"I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. 'Can I interest you in the chicken?' she asks. 'Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?' To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

I haven't expressed it here in the blog, but I dare you to ask me how I feel about undecided voters.

Something you CAN rage against:

Voter purging and voter suppression.

I feel with my last post I took away a great American opportunity to be angry about obstruction of democracy. Now I offer you an alternative.

Voter purging is when state and county boards of elections go through lists and removed voters who have died, moved, or have committed a felony. However, there are no national standards for this nor any oversight, and many voters are mistakenly removed. Citizens are supposed to be contacted when this happens, but, of course, many are not. If you get to the voting booth on November 4 and are wrongly told you cannot vote, CAST A PROVISIONAL BALLOT AND CALL A VOTER HOTLINE.

National Voter Assistance Hotline: 1-866-Our-Vote
Democratic National Committee: 1-888-DEM-VOTE
(The GOP doesn't offer a hotline, otherwise I would put it here. I did find some help for Republicans voting abroad here.)
UPDATE ON 10/31: The GOP has offered a hotline. 866-976-VOTE. They want you to call and report voter fraud. WTF? It is also available for you to complain about electioneering, intimidation, and violence. Just don't make it up or you'll get caught and look stupid.

Voter suppression, purging being a part of it, involves making it harder for people to vote. Most often you'll hear of such suppression against minorities and lower income voters, who often vote Democrat. For example, a Republican fund-raiser in Ohio sued Ohio's secretary of state to make her verify all of the new registered voters - all 700,000 of them. The U.S. Supreme Court quickly and unanimously stopped this suit. A new law in Florida requires that new voters provide a driver's license number or the last four digits of a Social Security number on a registration form, which is cross-checked against government databases. Not a bad law per se, but one in which human error (aka typos) play a huge part. Who suffers? African-American and Latino voters, whose names are often hyphenated and with nontraditional (aka non-WASP) spellings. From the St. Petersburg Times: "Of the rejected registrations, 2,403, or 27 percent, said they were Hispanic; 2,382, or 27 percent, identified themselves as African-American; and 1,727 listed their race as white. A total of 1,902 did not disclose their race. Nearly half, 4,383, were Democrats, while 1,136 were Republicans. Most of the rest identified with no party." Whether it was the law's intent or not, it clearly prevents many Democrats from voting.

The Republican "uproar" over alleged voter fraud and subsequent investigations into registered voters in order to "protect democracy" is, in my opinion, a clever guise to do the exact opposite. In their defense, I don't think Republicans target minorities because they don't want non-whites to vote - they aren't being racist - they just don't want Democrats to vote, and many minorities just happen to be Democrat.

As much as I would like to mail a card to every registered Republican telling them that election day has been changed to Wednesday November 5, I would much rather have everyone who can vote and win fair and square - or not win fair and square.

For more info on voting rights, visit the People for the American Way Web site.

And for ACORN's response to allegations that they are a radical left-wing organization trying to commit voter fraud, watch this video:

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

It's kind of sad, really

Even though the "voter fraud" hysteria has been continually debunked by legitimate news and information outlets, the McCain campaign continues to harp on it (just as they do the "Obama is going to take all of your money" argument, also wholly debunked, but I digress).

If you take just a moment to think about it, you'll realize how off base and, frankly, bananas the argument is. If any fraud has actually occurred, it would be called voter REGISTRATION fraud, meaning it would be caught before any voting occurred. Do you really think the men and women overseeing the voting at the polling place would really let Mickey Mouse vote? There are checks in place to make sure neither I nor Amanda Huginkiss vote more than once (or at all if I don't exist). You know this. Take a deep breath; it's okay.

Still a little worried? FackCheck.org is a good place to visit. It's nonpartisan, btw. The McCain campaign has been peddling that ACORN is out to destroy democracy. (I'm not exaggerating the terminology - Sarah and John say "destroy democracy.") Quoting FactCheck, "There's no evidence of any such democracy-destroying fraud." ACORN employees have been investigated for voter registration fraud and some have even been convicted of it, but prosecutors explain that the employees did so in an attempt to get paid for work they didn't do, not to encourage illegal voting. They are trying to cheat their employer, not democracy. A comparison being thrown around is that the McCain campaign's accusations toward ACORN is like calling Macy's a criminal organization because a Macy's employee has been caught shoplifting. Only slightly hysterical. No ACORN employee has been convicted of election fraud. You can take another deep breath.

So why is it sad? John, Sarah, and all of their peeps know that what they are saying isn't true, but they've got nothing else. Obama exaggerates too, but he doesn't flat out lie in order to scare people. (Okay, so palinaspresident.com is super scary, but Obama didn't create it or endorse it, nor is he arguing that oil drilling would actually occur in the White House front lawn if Republicans win, which is kind of doomsday exaggeration the Republicans are using against him.) That, my friends, is why it's sad.

Defend our Title!

So I totally dropped the ball on this this year. Binghamton is up once again to be voted the Capital of the Pierogy Pocket of America. You can vote once a day, and voting ends October 24. Yes, this Friday. Go here: http://www.pierogypocket.com/. Vote every day. On as many computers as you can.

We're up againsts Buffalo, NY; Whiting, IN; Forest City, PA; and Elmira Heights, NY. We have to win. The prize is $10,000, which will go to CHOW (Community Hunger Outreach Warehouse).

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Debate Drinking Game Results

The drink:
Magic Hat "Participation" variety pack, brewed in Vermont, in the lovely, according to Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin, great northwest United States.


The shot glasses:
The glasses my younger sister brought us back from Paris, where we are moving if McCain wins.



The television station:
Uh, PBS of course.

The final talley:
Obama = 28 drinks
McCain = 25 drinks

My hypothesis was wrong! Obama said more things on his list than McCain, so Tim drank more than me - three beers to my two and a half. I'm certain we missed some, but close enough. I thought we'd be drinking more as well. I could have chosen more domestic-policy-related words since domestic policy was the debate's topic, but how often do debates really stay on topic? Last night they were pretty good.

Tim drank many times because of the stipulation that he drink every time Obama looked at McCain when he attacked him. I almost as many times for McCain NOT looking at Obama when he attacked him. McCain did look at Obama more in this debate than previous debates. Tim drank more for "middle class" than for anything else. I thought "look" would be the big one. I drank only once for "my friends," which occurred during the closing statements. When Bob gave them the opportunity for closing statements I thought I was a goner. McCain's closing statement was what brought me closer to Tim's talley; Obama was significantly ahead for most of the debate. My most anxious moment of the night was when Bob asked about the VPs - I held my breath waiting for McCain to say "hockey mom," which would have meant I had to chug two beers. He didn't say it.

Some debates about the debate:
"Reagan" was on the list for McCain. One of the first statements of the night was about Nancy Reagan. I put "Reagan" on the list thinking of Ron, and his being John's hero, and the crazy Republican idea that Reagan policies are to be emulated, but we decided that I should drink for Nancy, determing that "Reagan" said by McCain in any context was for the same intent.

McCain did bring up Bill Ayers, so Tim and I discussed whether it meant I needed to chug a whole beer. We decided no, because "Weather Underground" was on the list, not Bill Ayers, and McCain never actually said "Weather Underground."

Some thoughts:

  • Bob Schieffer was by far the best moderator.
  • Joe Six-Pack must feel totally dissed since Joe Plumber got all of the attention.
  • OH MY GOD DID MCCAIN SAY PEOPLE WHO SERVED IN THE MILITARY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO TAKE CERTIFICATION TESTS TO BECOME TEACHERS? They don't have to be educated or qualified to teach children? They can just become teachers because they went to boot camp? They can become teachers by just signing up? This is an even stupider idea than trickle-down economics. This may be an even dumber thing to say than saying New Hampshire is in the great northwest.
  • I'm pretty sure McCain thinks Palin's youngest child has autism; he's confusing Down syndrome with autism.
  • Thank you, Barack, for pointing out that nobody is pro-abortion. Pro-choice is not pro-abortion. And it was totally awesome when John, after repeatedly interrupting you, told you not "to raise anyone's taxes," you said, "Well, I don't mind paying a little more." Awesome.
  • On that note, though, Barack, you could be a little more aggressive. Holy crap you are chill.
  • Speaking as an adopted child: F*** you John for presenting adoption a simple solution to abortion. Obviously I'm a huge advocate for adoption; I would encourage any woman to choose adoption over abortion, but it is ridiculously, positively, absolutely up to her to decide. Giving a baby up for adoption means carrying the baby for nine months, which changes everything about your life. As does having a baby and then giving it up. So, as a woman: F*** you John for belittling what this means. I would never tell a 15-year-old who had been raped that she could not rid herself of the tiny clump of cells that if allowed to grow will mean she can't have any caffeine, she can't have all sorts of food, she'll gain a whole bunch of weight, she'll have permanent stretch marks and belly fat, she'll have to give up any sports or physical activities she engaged in, and, oh yeah, that she'll be a pregnant 15-year-old who will be judged constantly and who will after nine months have to push a large baby out of her small vagina. And then after all that, give him or her up. I mean, I know being a pregnant teenager is all the rage now, but still. So, this was just a thought.
  • Michelle Obama wore blue and Cindy McCain wore red. Why does Cindy McCain smile at audiences like we're a kindergarten class? Is it because we're poor?

So that, my friends - or folks, if you prefer - is my story of the last presidential debate of 2008. To end this post, I'll share with you the sayings on our Magic Hat beer caps: "Do not Quibble with Iskabibble, "the Biggest Gaffe is the Failure to Laugh," "Don't smirk at quirks," "The universe Always has Other plans," "In Magic We Trust," and "Have 3, Gotta pee." Interpret any deep meaning from these that you will.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Presidential Debate Drinking Game

I admittedly am not the first person to come up with this. I would venture that I'm about the 2, 376, 988th person to come up with it. But blog about it I will.

Tomorrow night is the third and final debate (*sniff*), which will be held at Hofstra University and mediated by Bob Schieffer. Tim and I, as we've done for every debate so far this election season, will watch it. Except this time, we're playing a drinking game. I drink for McCain, and Tim will drink for Obama, and we'll both keep a tally of how many times we drink. (I realize we could just keep a tally, but that's not as much fun.)

I don't really have a hypothesis to share other than I think I'll be drinking more than Tim. Maybe at the end of the debate I can come up with some conclusions. The following are the words or phrases that when said we'll have to drink. As you can see, the amount of words is even and the likelihood of them being said is in my opinion even (even though I still think McCain will say his more).

OBAMA
Folks
Look (two drinks for "uh, uh look")
Bush
Four more years
Last eight years
Middle class
Failed Republican policies
As I've said before
Affordable health care
Afghanistan
Pakistan
Al Qaeda
Every time he looks at McCain when he attacks him

Chug a whole beer if he mentions the Keating Five or "Bomb bomb bomb Iran"
Chug two beers if he mentions McCain's first wife, how many jets McCain's crashed, or how many houses McCain owns

MCCAIN
Maverick
My friends (two drinks for "But look my friends")
Reach across the aisle
Experience
Warshington
Tax small businesses
Surge
Victory
Fannie and Freddie
My record
Earmarks
Reagan
Every time he turns his back to Obama when he attacks him

Chug a whole beer if he mentions the Weather Underground or says Obama's middle name
Chug two beers if he winks or says "you betcha," "doggone it," or "hockey mom"

BOTH
Bipartisan
Wall Street/Main Street
Change
Bail out
Clean coal technology
Mortgage
Golden parachute
Crisis
Fundamental difference

Chug a whole beer if they hug at the end (and try not to throw up)

If you have any phrases you think I should add, by all means leave me a comment. I love beer, and politics, so it's about time I combined them. In addition, I recommend highly reading Oliver Burkeman's liveblog for The Guardian during the debate, especially the comments. Yes, he's a Brit, but that makes it even better. You can read the last debate here.

Monday, October 13, 2008

It's October of an election year, and I've been quiet.

I know; I'm a little surprised too. Besides some of the videos I posted last month, I haven't really said anything about the upcoming election because there are plenty, plenty of other places for you to get information. (I recommend factcheck.org the most.) But, as you know, the fact that you can get info elsewhere has never really stopped me from yacking before.

I guess I haven't really felt like blogging about it. This is not because I don't care, because I do, a lot - I'm slightly obsessed with the election actually. I love election years. Now that I've had plenty of time to digest the current situation, I will, as succinctly as possible, share my feelings about who you I think you should vote for.

McCain and Palin realize that Republican policies aren't the most popular right now (because they are bad). They've been trying really hard to show how they are different from their fellow Republicans (which they aren't). They've gone so far as to steal the slogan of "change" from the Democrats (because they have nothing original to offer). They spend a lot of time talking about how un-Republican they are (except about gays, guns, zygotes, and dinosaurs). So, we should vote for the un-Republican Republican instead of the Democrat. We should vote for the Democrat-like Republican instead of the straight Democrat. Dumb. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck . . . And I can't believe anyone (who is not rich and out of touch as well) believes John McCain actually cares about them.

According to a recent ABC News/Washington Post poll, Bush's approval rating is now at 26 percent. His disapproval rating? 70 percent. His approval rating specific to the economy is only 22 percent. To put this in perspective, only Harry Truman and Richard Nixon got lower approval ratings. No president has had a lower disapproval rating. With this the case, I can't remotely fathom why anyone is thinking of voting Republican (besides the people who vote only to make sure that gays can't get married and women can't make choices about their own bodies).
Besides failed and embarassing Republican foreign policies, the economy is clearly the most important issue in the election. Bush's economic policies are not just Bush's, they are Republican policies. Seven of the last eight recessions have occurred under Republican leadership (sorry Jimmy). In January I'm sure this will change to eight of the last nine.

Republican policy is to cut taxes for big business with the idea that what is good for business and the rich is good for the country. The big businesses are then supposed to create jobs with their extra cash, make a bunch of new investments, and thus stimulate the economy. The magic formula is cut taxes = new jobs. McCain and Palin have been saying this over and over, as if all that needs to happen is for taxes to be cut and new jobs will magically appear. Uh, taxes were cut under the last administration and look what happened. Yes, I know there is a little more to it than that, but this is a huge part of it. You can't force rich people to invest in the country. Well, unless you tax them.

I'm not even going to go into "values" voting, except to say that I too vote the way I do because of my faith, and my soul screams against McCain. I'm not only voting against McCain, I'm voting for Obama.