Dating Tip: Don't Date Naked People

This post is a collection of multiple stories, a cornucopia of naked arrests if you will. You're welcome.

Stephen Gough of Eastleigh, Hampshire, England, is determined to walk the length of Britain...naked. No matter how many times he gets arrested. Although the gypsy life may sound appealing, it's sometimes cold in England. Protect your wobbly bits and not date Stephen.

John S. Leonard III of Dallas, Texas, followed through on a plan we've all dreamed of: he stole a church van...naked. Police got a call at 2:00 a.m. about a suspicious vehicle parked in a local business parking lot (which may or may not have been down by the river). When police arrived, John took off. Cops believed he was clothed at this time, but 35 miles later, when John finally pulled over, he was not. Well, his shirt was on his head if that counts. Luckily, no one was hurt, and the church that owned the van is praying for him. Do pray for John, but maybe don't date him.

An unidentified 20-year-old man thought an Ohio rest area would be a good place to sunbathe...naked. Along busy I-90 in Conneaut, Ohio, rest area visitors complained to staff about a naked man who kept popping up and down in an adjoinig field. Staff called police. Police arrived and verified that the popping-up-and-down man was naked. The man said he didn't know people could see him. Although I unfortunately can't give you his name (because it wasn't in the article), avoid dating men whose invisibility cloaks are malfunctioning. I hope he used sunscreen.

Crackhead Larry Boyd and his lady friend stayed at the motel next to the Waffle House in Nashville, Tennessee. They got into a fight, and the lady friend fled to the Waffle House...naked. Larry followed...naked. She locked herself in the WH bathroom, and he fled in a car...naked. Police chased him. The naked lady said Larry took a hit of cocaine and started choking her. He got a few tickets. Avoid Larry.

Carlos Singleton of Jackson, Mississippi, loves the nightlife. Likely rocking out in his SUV to some house techno, Carlos didn't realize he'd hit two cars in the nightclub parking lot as he was leaving. However, others did realize that Carlos hit two cars, and they called the police. When he saw the fuzz on his tail, Carlos took off....naked. When Carlos eventually crashed into the third car, police were surprised to find him naked. As was bystander James Ford, who said, "When they pulled him, out he was butt naked." Oh eggcorns. Don't get in the car with Carlos.