Dating Tip: Don't Date Men Who Don't Keep to the Right

On Saturday, January 26, Frank Kozumplik ran out of wine. Mr. Kozumplik, 49, of Adrian, Michigan, had let his wife take their car to work. Wineless and carless, Frank decided to remedy the first condition. After dropping two empty wine bottles (that were full earlier that evening) into the recycling bin, Frank hopped on his John Deere riding mower and drove two miles down the road to the liquor store, where he bought four bottles of wine.

With the paper bag o' wine secured snugly on his lap, Mr. Kozumplik began his return journey, down the middle of the road, in a snowstorm. He would have made it too if it weren't for those darn cops. Finding the situation a bit odd, local police pulled the man and mower over, and found that his blood alcohol level was 2 1/2 times the legal limit. They traded him a drunk-driving ticket for the wine, and they took his mower.

If he would have stayed on his side of the road he would have been fine.