Dating Tip: Don't Date People Who Fake Their Own Deaths and Go to the Funeral

Alternate title: "Don't Date People Who Fake Their Own Death in Order to Leave Church."

One day in late 2006, 27-year-old Alison Matera of Port Richey, Florida, grew tired of singing in the choir. She told her fellow songbirds that she had cancer, and had only months to live. She then left the church and went on hospice care. Her caring hospice nurse, with a voice very similar to Alison's, kept the choir updated on Alison's treatment. Then, on January 18, 2007, Alison's sister, also having a voice similar to Alison's, informed the church that Ms. Matera had passed away. The church naturally gathered for a memorial service, which Ms. Matera's sister naturally attended.

Choir member 1: Did you know Alison had a sister?
Choir member 2: No, I did not. Why?
Choir member 1: That girl looks just like Alison!
Choir member 2: Wow! You are right. Let's go talk to her.
Choir member 1: Yes, let's.
Choir member 2: Hello, Alison.
Ms. Matera: Hi, Susan - I mean, hello fellow mourner. I am Alison's sister, Malison.
Choir member 1: Malison, do you know the phone number for the local sheriff's office?
Ms. Matera: Why yes, it is 847-5878.
Choir member 2: We are sorry for your loss (raises both hands in fists, extends index and middle fingers, bending them two times, creating a shape remarkably similar to quotation marks), Malison.

Later that evening, the sheriff arrives at Alison's apartment and knocks on the door.

Alison: Hello, officer. How can I help you?
Sheriff: Really? You answered the door?
Alison: Oh. Right.

So, while I don't want to deter you from dating death-fakers per se, maybe avoid those who go undisguised to their own funeral. Something to think about.