Top Five Things I Equally Love and Hate

Deadlines
Bad writing
Birth control pills
Wasting time
Diplomacy

Top Five Traits I'd Turn Up if I Found a Personality Trait Volume Control

Patience
Spirituality
Courage
Tact
Perceptiveness

Top Five Traits I'd Turn Down if I Found a Personality Trait Volume Control

Negativity
Pride
Mouth
Judgment
Self-consciousness (which may actually stem from self-centeredness)

Top Five Videos I Think You Should Watch

Top Five Guilty Indulgences

Celebrity gossip
Writing myself as a character into books
Putting too much mix in my hot cocoa
Stalking online photo sites and Facebook for old pictures of my husband
Searching for my name under Google books to see if I'm in the acknowledgments

Top Five Ways to Spend a Sunday Afternoon

Watching football
At a baseball game
Napping
With the youth group
Lunch with friends and family (potluck or other)

Top Five Ways to Spend a Saturday

Wine tour
Visiting a museum or historical site
At a park
At a festival
At a beach

Top Five

Since theme months are so much fun and spawn the most comments, September *drum roll* will be a theme month. I’m stealing my theme from Rob Gordon in High Fidelity (or Rob Fleming if you prefer the book character's name) and making top five lists for whatever category I feel like making a top five list for for that day. I promise not to cop out on my answers to the "If you could do/be" lists by answering anything like "Exactly where I am." I hate when people do that. It's boring. It’s OBVIOUSLY a hypothetical exercise, so play the frick along! This may make my list of top five pet peeves . . .

The beauty of top-whatever number lists is that they reflect who you are at a moment in time. Five years ago my lists would have been different, and who knows if the next day I will want to change the previous day’s list. I also promise not to lie on these lists. It’s so embarrassingly clear when someone is lying about his or her favorite things. In other words, I won't be attempting to make you think I'm cool. You should know better by now. These will be my lists of favorites (or equivalent when speaking of the negative), not a lists of best/worst evers based on artistry or expert opinion. I will not be objective.

So, to start it off:

TOP FIVE FOODS I'LL EAT EVEN IF I'M FULL

Pizza
Cheese and crackers
Deviled eggs
Butterscotch chip cookies
Bacon

Get it? Sweet.

Return from the road trip

Some highlights from our road trip:

* My car getting 42 miles per gallon

* Passing the Shamokin/Pottsville sign on I-81

* West Virginia's policy of construction zone speed applying only when lights are flashing

* Witnessing a man karate kick the diesel pump

* My "Peace is Patriotic" magnet remaining on my car below the Mason-Dixon and back

* Drinking Guiness outside . . . legally

* Bodo's Bagels being a short walk from our cheap (but nice) hotel

* Getting to Monticello early enough to see the fog on the mountains

* Love lies bleeding being still fully in bloom

* Ignoring the GPS's directions

* The larger-than-life size Jesus cutout behind a trailor in Fishersville, VA (exit 91 off I-64)

* Five hours of talk radio

* Getting home in time to watch some of the Scrubs marathon on TV Land--which we get.

* My husand getting why I like Monticello

A road trip

This Sunday my husband and I are hopping in the car and heading down to Charlottesville, Virginia, to visit Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson. It’s one of my favorite places, if not, so far, my favorite place I’ve ever been. I’m really looking forward to showing my husband Monticello. I’m not expecting him to feel the same as I feel about it, but, as a history major, I’m sure he’ll enjoy being a tourist.

Best part: the gardens. At this time of year the flower garden looks like an organized attack of wildflowers. I’m hoping especially to see love-lies-bleeding, bloodflower, and flowering tobacco, whose flower smells sweet and a little like jasmine, but comes out only in the evening or if it’s a cool part of the day. I was lucky one mid-September afternoon—and probably won’t be this trip since it’s going to be hot and we’ll be there in the morning.

If it were allowed, the winding walk flower garden is where I would have gotten married. However, the place is open every day except Christmas, and the Jefferson Foundation doesn’t place weddings on their top ten list of preservation strategies (I asked during one tour; they said no). Perhaps if I could prove myself a direct descendant of Jefferson the idea may have been considered? I thought about a secret elopement in the corner of the garden, but if I were going to get married at Monticello there were going to be guests and pictures. I’ll ask again this trip, and if they’ve changed their minds I’ll get a divorce and remarry my husband, just for the wedding. About this I think I’m only 30 percent kidding. In other words, I really like Monticello. I considered working there after college in some capacity, but magic is lost once you go behind the curtain.

It must have something to do with Jefferson himself. Granted, Monticello is genuinely appealing to many people--it's not an ugly place--but I like knowing that Jefferson was there. I share none of his intellect, eloquence, foresight, or taste, so I can't view Monticello or the world as he did, but I like being close to it anyway. What I can relate to is his struggle between ideals and reality, and how he could never really get the two to meet. The hardest person to fight is yourself.

It's peaceful up on the mountain, even with all of the tourists around. I'd love to have it to myself for a morning, but it wouldn't be authentic. Since Monticello was a plantation, in its "glory days" there would have been many, many people moving about the grounds all day as well, just with more purpose. Ideally, had I been able to visit during the "glory days" (the quotes remain due to slavery), James and Dolly Madison would have been there, and the cook would be serving the French dish of noodles with melted cheese that Jefferson liked. Mmm.

Update: I didn't ask about weddings. It's better that way.

Playing psychologist

I've edited many psychology books and journal articles, so many that I sometimes feel certified to open my own practice. I'd probably be more qualified to tell you what words are misspelled most often in the psychology field than the presenting symptoms for a cognitive disorder, but close enough. I also lived for two years with two psychology students diagnosing me for various disorders (some of which I may indeed have), I own the DSM-IV, and I watch Frasier. These are my criteria for my following blog entry.

I can't remember if I've talked about this before, but I would like to introduce a new disorder into the field. You've likely heard of the Peter Pan syndrome. It's not in the DSM; it's a pop psychology term, but awesome nonetheless. It was introduced by psychologist Dan Kiley, who wrote The Peter Pan Syndrome and The Wendy Dilemma. Quick overview: Peter Pan = men who refuse to grow up, and Wendy = inappropriately self-sacrifing woman (does all the work, complains all the time but does nothing to remedy it, "admits" to being wrong when not, full of self-pity, and generally an annoying and unnecessary martyr). Staying on the J. M. Barrie theme, I'd like to introduce to the wonderful world of pop psychology the Tinker Bell Disorder.

I termed this disorder a few years ago during a discussion with a friend. It reoccurred to me this morning due a dream I had last night of an ex (who may have appeared as Sonny Corinthos from General Hospital). In the dream a group of friends and I were staying at a beach house. A hurricane was coming, and my ex had decided to go stand by the ocean. He likely, as in real life, was doing this because he decided I would be better off without him. He loved me, or at least thought he did, and so because he loved me he'd stay away--think Edward Cullen in Twilight and you'll get the picture, minus the vampire part, although sometimes I felt like il suo cantante. Not that this ex ever in real life threatened suicide, by hurricane or any other means--he was never horrible and manipulative--but he did remove himself from my life on multiple occasions under the same premise. (This drama may explain why he appeared in the dream as a soap opera star). Anyway. In the dream I decided that I too would stand out in the hurricane for as long as he did. I woke up before the battle of stubborness could be won.

Ironically, when my ex was trying to be most like an adult--making decisions for me based on what would be best for me--he was behaving his most childish. He didn't really have Peter Pan Syndrome, mostly because of circumstances beyond his control, but it was this childish behavior, and subsequent non-grown-ups I was attracted to/I attracted, that led me to diagnose myself with Tinker Bell Disorder: Women who like men with Peter Pan Syndrome. Different from Wendy. Tinker Bell loves Peter even though (or because) Peter can't love her back. Tinker Bell exists only because someone wills her to be there, and, in fact, she has a very short life in Barrie's novel, because that's the way it's supposed to be. Fairies live (commit) only a short time because to fairies it seems like a long time. By the end of the novel Tinker Bell has died and Peter has forgotten all about her. Disney leaves this out.

Those diagnosed with Tinker Bell Disorder aren't really ready to be adults either. Aren't ready to be adults and aren't ready to love adults. Once Peter decides to leave Neverland Tinker Bell will stay back, or will actually cease existing because Neverland is the only place she can exist. In the movie Hook, where Tinker Bell actually talks, she tells Peter, "Peter, you know that place between asleep and awake? That place you still can remember your dreams? That's were I'll always love you, Peter Pan." Not the real world.

However, it's okay to visit Neverland now and then. (Just not Michael Jackson's.)

Summer's end

It's cold today. I started this morning with the window wide open in my office, then cracked, and now I've closed it. I'm not ready for the summer to end, which I can't fault August for, because even if summer lasted until March I still wouldn't be ready for it to end. I know there are places on earth with constant summer, but they also have big cockroaches.

I've finished my work for today, and it looks as though I may have a few days off before my next project. I planned on going to the park today, but going to the park in anything other than a tank top and shorts today would just depress me. It's true. Going in tank top and shorts and being cold would have the same effect. It's things like this that make me so fun to be around.

Summer suits me better than any other season (and so gives sunblock makers reason to exist). If you've known me for more than a few minutes you've probably heard me say that I'd rather be hot than cold, and I really mean it. Yes, in the cold you can warm up, but I enjoy being hot. And I live near trees, under which I can sit. Summer also gives me an excuse to wear as little clothing as possible--I very often consider moving under a pier at a beach just so it would be okay to wear a bikini all the time, in context. Do cockroaches like saltwater?

What I feel now is the foreboding back-to-school weight, which never made sense to me because I liked school, and doesn't make sense now since I'm not going back to school and haven't actually gone back to school in six years. Yet, it still exists. I suppose it's more of having to let summer go, again, like finishing a good book, or the series finale of your favorite television show, or the end of a good concert. Summer means windows open and bonfires and doing regular, everyday activities outside, like cooking, eating, drinking, reading, and watching sports. Summer means road trips and long walks. Summer is an open door. Winter in upstate New York is confining, and often literally traps you right where you are. Physical confinement often agitates my emotional claustrophobia.

You can list for me all of the reasons I should be excited for fall: leaves, football, watching Kiley's soccer games, cider, apples, brown, The Office starting again, and I am excited, but I would gladly delay all of them for a few more months of summer.

I know; get over it. I will. Just let me mope through the last B-Mets homestand of the season and maybe I'll feel a little better.

Reason #4763 why I'm lucky

I'm very blessed to not only have pastors who are friends, but friends who are pastors. Thank you, Sara, for renewing our vows.

Reason #4762 why I'm lucky

Tuesday night, for our anniversary, my husband and I went out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. When we arrived the hostess looked at our name on the reservations list, then told us, "this tells me to see Mike [the manager]." My first thought: we've been blacklisted. But then she sat us at our table. Once the wine list and food came out I forgot all about our "see Mike" status. We splurged. Bottle of wine, clam sauce, dessert, etc. When the bill came our waiter said, "Your meal has been taken care of." Tim and I looked at each other in shock. Did the manager think he knew us? Should we tell him otherwise? Then our waiter said, "By a James Davis." Signature: "phone."


My parents completely surprised us by paying our bill. It was a really, really great gift. Thanks Mom and Dad.

Another update

My [adjectives deleted] upstairs neighbors have FINALLY moved out. They were supposed to move out in May. They finally moved out a few days ago. I'm very happy about this.

In a previous entry I mentioned taking sleeping pills with the hopes that (1) they'd work and (2) they would produce interesting dreams. Neither (1) or (2) occurred (and you were all left with a very lame dream-theme month). So, in April, we actually started sleeping in our guest bedroom so I could sleep. We were guests in our own home. But, I was able to get some sleep.

If you've talked to me at all in real life since November you know how I felt about my upstairs neighbors. I didn't and don't like how I felt about them, the things I said about them, and that I was incapable of changing anything about their situation or mine. Instead of hating them I could have at least tried helping them, somehow. It wouldn't have worked, of course, but I could have tried. My ideal self I have not been lately.

Combined with losing my job and my disruptive upstairs neighbors moving in, I've not only not been my ideal self, I haven't been myself. I'm working on this. I'm sharing this mostly to say sorry to those of you who have had to talk to me in real life. Hopefully it will get better.

Finally, a new post

Yes, it's been kind of a long time since I've posted anything. To update you, since my last post the following things have happened (well, that have affected my life):

I became a year older.

Baseball season started.

My husband got inducted into the National Honor Society for History. The same one I'm in, from, um, many years ago.

I earned my second pint glass from the Ale House.

I agreed to counsel two camps at Sky Lake.

I went to my first doctor's and dentist's visits without health insurance.

As the previous occurrence may indicate, I became officially self-employed (and very busy).

I survived numerous youth group events and fund-raisers, church meetings, Annual Conference, and polite suggestions.

I left a church service early so that I wouldn't miss the LOST season finale.

I watched the LOST season finale.

I've worn a lot of sunblock and bug spray.

I've worked at the park.

I've watched a lot of Home Improvement. It's on during my lunch break. I love this.

I've climbed rocks, hiked to the top of Wittenberg mountain, and survived a large-bird attack while on the aforementioned rocks.

And, I gave up a pretty big grudge, which I may blog about later. So stay tuned, sports fans. I'll try to be a better blogger, again.

What's more disruptive?

A group of students being silent in class, or a group of children skipping class?

April 25 is National Day of Silence, a day during which students remain silent to bring attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying, and harrassment by representing those who no longer have a voice. Students hand out cards to others to explain why they aren't speaking. When I was in high school my SADD club held a similar day. Every eight minutes a student was tapped on the shoulder and thus "killed" by a drunk driver. This student left class, dressed in black, "killed" another student, and went back to their day completely silent. Nobody protested this event, and it was very effective.

Binghamton High School participates in the Day of Silence, which, like the SADD day, is a very effective in nonintrusive way to raise awareness, a day with aims to stop bullying of all kinds and protect students of all orientations. However, the kind and loving and Christlike groups Mission:America and the American Family Association think participation in this group will ruin the world. Yes, I was dumb enough to read an article in my local paper titled "Day of Silence at BHS Draws Protest." (I highly suggest that, if you believe in anything good and holy, you avoid the reader comments if you dare to read this article at all.)

Apparently, these two unfortunantly enormous national groups feel the need to speak out against the Binghamton High School gay-straight alliance, which has a whopping 20 members. They want Binghamton parents to write the school and threaten to keep their children home from school on April 25 if the administration allows student to be--huh!--silent. Day of Silence disrupts learning, they argue. But keeping your child home from school entirely doesn't.

It's not really the silence they are protesting, but the reason for silence. (The argument that the day is "disruptive" is grasping at straws.) In their well-practiced way, these conservative "Christian" groups are playing the victim. According to Buddy, yes Buddy, Smith of the American Family Association, "'Day of Silence' is about coercing students to repudiate traditional morality." Founder and Chairman of American Family Association's ActionAlerts Donald E. Wildmon says "DOS is a nationwide push to promote the homosexual lifestyle in public schools."

I don't mean to give venue to these men's ridiculous and hate-filled exaggerations, but I wanted to put up their definitions of Day of Silence versus the official Day of Silence purpose: to bring attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying, and harrassment, as I said previously. These "Christian" groups have taken the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network's request that LGBT students not be harrassed and have twisted it into being an attack on straight people, a recruitment to the "gay lifestyle." Protesting Day of Silence is supporting hate and bullying, it's as simple as that.

Wherever you stand on the "gay issue" (which I can't believe is still an "issue"), decent human beings in general don't want to see kids harrassed and in some cases killed simply because they are gay. Even if you don't "believe" in the "gay agenda," do you really want to go on record as telling a gay youth he/she deserves to bullied? Maybe you do, but I like to think most people don't. Go about expressing your beliefs in a different way, and aim your views at adults, not children.

No person straight or gay should be bullied or harrassed, but Day of Silence is to bring attention to the constant use of the words "dyke" and "fag," the constant teasing and bullying of those who appear gay (both straight and gay), and the commonplace and accepted violence against LGBT individuals, especially in schools. Please don't make the argument that LGBT individuals shouldn't have "special" protection from hate crimes; it makes you sound dumb. LGBT individuals need special protection because they receive special hate. There are plenty of laws for everyone else. The punishment for assaulting an LGBT individual is the same punishment for assualting a non-LGBT individual; specific laws need to be on the books to PREVENT such violence. It's not about the punishment.

By protecting LGBT students from bullying, it protects all students from bullying. Please Mission:America and American Family Association and similar groups, please use all of your money and organization for actions that are really Christlike, that promote love, that help the poor, that represent the minority. I can give you a list of ideas if you'd like. Your resources could be much better used than attacking 20 students at Binghamton High School.

Help fight cancer!

If you yourself haven't had cancer, you know or have lost someone who has. This sucks. So I am once again participating the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life this summer. Relay for Life is an all-night event held to raise money and awareness with the goal of eliminating cancer. Teams camp out on a track and must have one person on the track at all times--yes, even at 3:00 a.m., rain or moon. Most important, the teams raise money before and during the event.

Most cancers are preventable. Most cancers can be detected early. Most cancers can be treated. I Relay for education, better detection methods, and better treatment methods, but what I Relay most for is a CURE. Scientists and researchers get closer every day--but they need funding to be able to do so. So give me money (to give to the American Cancer Society)!

How? Visit my Relay for Life page here. There is a secure online donation form you can use to donate to me or to my team, the PT Cruisers. Please consider donating a dollar or two or fifty. If enough people donate just a dollar we can reach our team fund-raising goal, and help stop this stupid disease. My Web site also has instructions for donating offline as well.

Thank you in advance.

You've got bad bells, Phil.

Last night Phil Donahue tried to teach me to play the bells. They wouldn't ring. I think I was holding them wrong.

P.S. I've started taking OTC sleeping pills in an attempt to fall back asleep after (or, if I'm very lucky, not be woken up at all by) my inconsiderate and very loud upstairs neighbors who stay up until 4:00 a.m. every night. No, they don't have jobs. The lovely Tylenol sleep aid could enhance or construe my celebrity dreams, or bring about a whole new dream theme. Stress = celebrities, sleeping pills = odder celebrities than usual/something else altogether? I've never dreamed of Phil Donahue before. I will likely be using these pills until my neighbors' lease is up at the end of April. (Please cross your fingers for me that the landlord does not renew their lease.) So, whether or not next month's blog is a "theme month," I will inform you of any sleeping-pill induced celebrity dreams. Don't worry.

Thanks but no thanks, Jerry.

I was walking through New York City one afternoon when Jerry Seinfeld pulled over to see if I wanted a ride. He was driving a semitrailer. I said no thanks. He said he understood.